Hell in Hell’s Canyon

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Haywood Macabre
Haywood Macabre

By Guest Blogger: Haywood Macabre, The One-Armed Guitar Player

 

Well, well, well…Sit Kitty Sit is letting me write one of their blogs…shit just got real!

Damn, the road stories I have with those two! Where do I even begin…

I think one of the craziest things we ever did was last year on our Northwest tour. We just played a show in Spokane, Washington and we were headed to Moscow, Idaho for our next gig. Northern Idaho in the winter is bloody awful, cold, frozen, hell and there’s the three of us crammed in The Prowler (the tour van) full of our gear and hungover driving through the beautiful Idaho mountains. We take the “scenic” route which had such a wonderful name….Hell’s Canyon. Yeah, Hell’s Canyon.

This fucking road is two lanes with no guard rails that dead drops into a raging river of doom and it’s snowing with semi trucks flying by us like we don’t exist along these hairpin turns of death and black ice. Kat is driving and Mike and I are white knuckled and praying for our lives while holding hands terrified. Kat is just having a blast! She’s maniacally laughing and turns to us and says “ITS NOT FUN IF ITS NOT FUCKING SCARY!!! MUAHAHAHA!!!!!”

Yeah, that’s when Mike and I pissed our pants and said our goodbyes to the material world. After about what seemed like an eternity of clenching our assholes tighter than a vise grip we finally got out of the mountains and got to a town.

That first step out of the Prowler was probably one of my favorite steps I’ve ever taken. Kat was as calm as ever but Mike and I felt like we just went through a war or something.

So we finally get to the venue and it’s not a rock club, it’s a coffee shop filled with college kids with their noses stuck in their laptops typing their term papers. Now here the three of us stand trying to figure out what the fuck to do. They’re loud as hell and I’m an offensive cunt onstage…and we’re about to play a coffee shop…during finals week. Well, I played the MELLOWEST set I’ve ever played in my ENTIRE career that night. I didn’t even talk about anal sex or curse or anything! SKS also played quieter than I’ve ever heard them play too! It was definitely one of the weirdest shows ever. But an experience I’ll never forget in my life.

I just really wanted to share this story with you all about the time Mike and I kissed our asses goodbye in Idaho. Anyway, thanks for reading and for Sit Kitty Sit asking me to write a blog for them. I’ll see you all on the road with them for another one of our infamous Northwest tours in April!

Cheers to you all!!

[Editors Note:  I am an excellent driver.  No one died.  :) ]

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